Yes Virginia, You’ll Get Older Too

Maybe it’s just that we’ve devolved into an age of rudeness due to social media sharing of every little thought.  There’s a lot of nastiness being tweeted, shared, liked and commented about people different from oneself whether it’s hair color, body type, sex, race, religion, school affiliation, dog lover or cat, how they dress, talk, walk, meat-eater and on ad nauseam.

While every generation believes they’re smarter, savvier, more knowledgeable that the previous one — or two — their high opinions of themselves should not be construed as gospel of any kind, without facts to back up the opinion.

So my interest was piqued when I came across an article titled ‘50 Things No Woman Over 40 Should Own’.  Hmm…Well, it’s true there’s a time to set aside childish toys and possessions as we get older.  It’s usually because we’ve outgrown them and have no place in our lives anymore as adults.  As adults we discard and replace as out personal tastes and lifestyles change through the years.

At first the article was amusing.  Clearly it was the author’s opinion since no statistics, specifics or documented sources were cited to support the statements.  Then I found it offensive as the author’s words smacked of age bashing.  So I googled the author and found yes, she was a 20-something who apparently felt superior to people older than herself, simply because she was younger and felt compelled to dictate fashion and lifestyle advice to those not in her own age demographic based on…nothing but her own preferences.

Instead of coming off as an expert — of any kind — the author came off as petty, mean, ignorant and…jealous of older women.  My response is “Yes, Virginia, you’ll get older too.”

There’s no need to mention all 50 items, so I have a rebuttal for selected items:

Low rise jeans.  Tell that to Jane Fonda, who at 79 can wear that style with foolish ease and look spectacular.  Jane, you go, girl.  ‘Virginia’, you’re just jealous someone decades older than you can still look attractive and looks better in jeans than you.

Charm bracelets.  ‘Virginia’ likens them to cowbells and (apparently) only 20-somethings should wear something that makes them look or sound like a cow. Clearly the folks at Pandora whose target market is older than Virginia should be ashamed of themselves — by virtue of ‘Virginia’s’ opinion.

College tees/sweatshirts. OK, she specified ‘sorority’ apparel but the thinking is the same.  Of course only 20-somethings should be allowed to say they attended college.  No one over 40 should admit to being a college graduate, nor have children, nieces or nephews who attend college.  Go suck and egg ‘Virginia’.

Plastic wine glasses.  For one thing ‘Virginia’, they’re called ‘acrylic’ and income is not the reason for owning them.  Practicality is.  They are used abundantly for dinner and drinks on the deck, porch, at picnics, and in the hot tub.  You really don’t want to break glass in the hot tub.  Also, they come in a variety of colors and styles for wine, beer, margarita and daiquiris.  Get a life ‘Virginia’.  You obviously don’t have one.

Uggs.  Seriously?  Not only have I never seen anyone over the age of 30 wearing them, no one over the age of twelve should be, unless they are an Australian surfer, for whom they were originally made. They certainly don’t make a sophisticated fashion statement ‘Virginia’ — for any adult woman.  And if rustic is more your style, Uggs is inferior to other brands of cold weather boots — especially for the athletically inclined, or more stylishly inclined among us women.

As for single socks, pantyhose with runs, half dead plants and expired sunscreen, it sounds as if ‘Virginia’ never cleans out her dresser, cabinets or house. Bad, ‘Virginia’, bad.

Some of those hair accessories are still being sold ‘Virginia’, so it seems you’re out of the loop in terms of retail merchandising.

Bulletin boards are still useful and being used. Not everything is on the ‘net and leaving little love notes on one is so much more romantic that telling someone to check Pinterest.

No self-respecting woman would wear low-crotched harem pants. Who, besides you ‘Virginia’, would want to look like they’re wearing a (sagging) diaper?

Nylon duffle bags are widely used among those who frequently travel — especially those involved in outdoor recreational sports, making them more practical than leather.  Again, it’s not about the income level.

As for citing J. Lo’s fragrance?  Oh, grow up ‘Virginia’.  Adult women don’t wear fragrances or makeup geared towards teenagers.

Yes ‘Virginia’, if you eat right, exercise, get a proper night’s sleep, don’t abuse alcohol or drugs, you too may live to see the age of 40 — even 50 or more (still looking fabulous) — and find that your personal style and lifestyle tastes have changed since your twenties and have no need for advice from a 20-something who doesn’t know when to throw out pantyhose..  Maybe you’ll even learn a little respect for others — especially your elders — a lesson your parents obviously didn’t teach you.

In defense of women over 40, at least they know to wear a racer-back bra with a racer-back tee.  Showing your bra straps in public isn’t sexy.  It’s sloppy.  At even when you’re 20-something, no one wants to see your buttcrack or your thong, so buy some pants that fit properly.  And not all exes are SOBs so there’s no reason to ditch the clothes you pilfered from him to remember someone you’ve loved.

Merry Christmas ‘Virginia’, and don’t forget the elves who slave all year to provide you with presents. (Santa is a slave driver, but still delivers to women over 40.)

And if we had saved all our old comic books, we’d have a hefty retirement fund.  So some things are worth keeping.


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